


The Storm and Clouds in Her Eyes

by scherzio



Category: Idontknowwhatfandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:07:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29716248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scherzio/pseuds/scherzio
Kudos: 3





	The Storm and Clouds in Her Eyes

In the heart of London, it was drizzling early in the morning. The road was literally empty, no pedestrian would voluntarily go out except for a very urgent issue. Judy Lestrange woke up from her quiet, 3 hours long sleep. Lately her insomnia had started to get worse and Judy was totally aware of this matter, albeit she still denied the urge of going to the doctor for her own sake. It wasn’t only her insomnia, but also her state of mind.

Judy walked downstairs to feed Sirius, her labrador and later she decided to have breakfast which was only a cup of coffee. Judy was never used to eating bread, oatmeal, and other kinds of meal in the morning. That was also another thing that made her body rather weak than strong for a twenty five year old woman. She stood still under the kitchen lamp and watched Sirius devour all his breakfast. It was fascinating to see something so alive right in front of you. 

As if I’m really alive too, she thought.

It was 9 AM when this long haired woman finished her bath. She stopped in front of a big mirror for a moment, only to take a deep look at her appearance. Dark eye bags, pale skin, disheveled hair. She looked… ravaged. Judy was totally into observing her face when she finally realised that the home phone was ringing. Ellina, her stepmother, was calling.

“What?”  
“Have you seen the psychiatrist?” asked Ellina over the phone. Her voice sounded so mature, just like other English women.  
“I swear I’ll never pick up the phone again if you keep bringing this on. I’m not crazy, I—”  
“Sweetheart,” Ellina quickly cut her daughter’s sentence. It had always been her specialty, cutting off someone’s sentence and not failing. “Listen to me, you are depressed. You are stressful, you need to take the medicine for your insomnia as well. And Jane called yesterday.”  
“I’m not going there, that’s it. Tell Jane to leave me alone and have a nice day.”

The call was hung up and Judy, once again, was left alone in here. Ellina reminded her of the quarrel she was having with Jane, her best best friend. Neither of them wanted to be the one to apologise first. Judy even doubted they could reconcile again. The clock kept ticking and it was now pointing at 9.50. Let’s not forget that although the drizzle showed no sign of stopping out there, Thursday wouldn’t pass and turn into an off-day. So, Judy put her nice outfits on and hoped today wouldn’t go wrong.

The little rain almost stopped, but Judy still used her umbrella. She just liked the feeling of being safe it gave her. Her office was nearby so she went there on foot almost every day. Besides, she was too lazy to park her car which required her to do some complicated maneuvers. The road was a bit slippery and Judy was near to trip herself a few times if it wasn’t because of her extra caution whenever she walked.

“Judy?”

The girl whose name was called immediately looked for the one who said it. She cursed in a low voice, very low that anybody could barely hear. It was a tall man with a black coat on and the very same umbrella with hers was in his hand. It was Ezra Drexel, Judy’s... well, best childhood friend. They grew up in the same neighbourhood back in Chelsea.

“Ezra? What are you doing here?” Judy blurted out unconsciously.  
“Right, same old Judy. No greeting, only question,” Ezra let the corner of his lips formed a thin smile on him. “Nothing, really. I’m taking three days off so I decided to walk around instead of staying at home and having to run some errands for my mother. How about you? You seem so ready to work. Do you work around here?” he asked.  
Judy slightly nodded and added, “I’m an accountant now.”  
Ezra lifted his eyebrows as if he hardly believed in Judy’s statement. “That’s so not-you. I thought you hated Math so bad when we were in high school, eh?” he chuckled.  
“Life could be a bit unpredictable, you know?” Judy uttered while shrugging.  
“I agree.”

There was a moment of silence between them. Judy and Ezra were once very close, especially when they were in high school. But ever since they went to a different college and got separated, they rarely talked to each other. Ezra was a good friend, though. He wasn’t that kind of arrogant guy which would easily irritate Judy. He was nice. Judy jolted out in epiphany when she looked at her watch. She would definitely be late to  
work. 

“It’s really a surprise to meet you here, Ezra, but I think I need to go now. I’ll see you around, I guess?”  
“What— oh, sure. See you later, Juds,” said Ezra when Judy already walked further. He wanted to wave a bye but didn’t really do it. That new Judy was a bit dreading, though. She seemed so pale and sick.

Remember that Judy hoped that everything would go well today? Turned out the angels were probably too busy to hear her hope. Today was so messed up. Everything went wrong. All of her works were torn by her boss and she ended up crying when she arrived at home. Only for tonight, Judy wanted to let herself feel miserable.

The next morning, Judy did the same routine but missed one thing. She didn’t go to work. Everything was the same as yesterday at first, but suddenly Judy sensed something running down her nose and all that she knew was the blood wouldn’t stop easily. She kept bleeding for the next few minutes and finally stopped after some time. Now here she was, on the sofa and ironically powerless. Sirius had been accompanying her since the blood first came out. That little one was truly worrying about Judy and somehow it made her feel nice to know.

“Don’t worry, little buddy. I’ll be just fine,” Judy whispered to Sirius. He only let a low sound come out from his mouth and Judy had no choice but to giggle.

It took hours for Judy to finally give up and make an appointment with a doctor that she knew from a colleague. She lowkey prayed she wouldn’t be diagnosed that she had some serious disease. She prayed the nosebleed was just caused of her extreme long hour of work. Judy had to admit that in these past few weeks, she had been feeling desperate and had no interest in life. However, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to leave this world soon. A totally complicated paradox.

Diana was the name of the doctor she would be meeting in a few minutes. The road just now was quite friendly, there was no traffic jam at all! It was Friday, though, which surprised Judy. A brief moment before Judy left the house, Sirius was still after her everywhere she went. It was adorable, although Judy had to tell him to stop following her. Diana was really humble. Over all, the test went well. Diana told Judy that the result should be ready in two days or even tomorrow. After leaving the hospital, Judy deliberately stopped in a coffee shop. A cup or two would be fine, she thought.

London today wasn’t really cloudy. At least, better than the gloomy yesterday. Judy ordered a latte and also treated herself with a piece of chocolate cake. Sitting by the window gave her a better view of the area surrounding her, as well as better contemplation. Judy was drowned in a lot of heavy thoughts. What if she had serious disease? What if the doctor couldn’t cure it? Would she die? The worst of all, if she died, who would mourn for her? Mom? Dad? Jane? Or nobody?

In that moment, Judy realised that she was actually nothing, only a common entity, a small human, a dust in this supermassive universe. Judy never did something memorable so that she could be written in history if one day she passed away. Judy was never the protagonist, the character that a lot of people would love. What’s the meaning of life, then? Was Judy really living her life all this time, or was she merely surviving? The thoughts inside her mind seemed to connive and only perplex her even more. Judy sighed and tried to forget those swiveling thoughts in her mind. She wanted to stop them from keep flowing, and flowing, and intoxicating her heart and mind.

Daylight disappeared and the sun was getting ready to sink. By the end of the day, Diana notified Judy that her test result was already out and she could come to get it any time she wanted. Judy, truthfully, wanted to get it as soon as she could. But she was terrified. She didn’t want to face the truth just yet. It’d be nice if she was just exhausted and needed some rest, but it’d totally drive her into a deeper depression if the result was nowhere near her expectation.

When the night came, Judy couldn’t stand the urge to sleep which was unusual. Previously, she couldn’t even get to sleep if the clock hadn’t shown 2 AM yet. Maybe this time, her under-conscious self was also tired of the never ending tragedy that life bestowed her. Maybe this time, her insomnia pitied her for having to go all of these tragedies.

The next morning, Judy woke up in a dreadful situation. The nosebleed came again and Judy wasn’t even aware that blood was covering her nostrils, mouth, jaw, and even cheek. This was way worse than the previous one. While Judy was cleaning the stain of blood in her face, she was reminded of the dream she had last night. It was bizarre, actually. Judy was on the shore and she dared to swear she had never been there, she didn’t even know where it was. Then something caught her attention. The sky was cloudy, a familiar view, right. But the clouds up there were so sombre and all of them were stormy. Judy was shivering. Her dream was too obnoxious to reminisce and she regretted for remembering the detail.

After getting prepared, Judy rushed to the hospital. She had to do this sooner or later. Besides, it was still possible that the result wasn’t so bad, right? Laugh now because in the next several minutes, all the opportunity and optimism that Judy had would be shattered in pieces. Diana had given her the test result with a regretful look.

“You can still go through the therapy, Judy. It won’t be too late,” Diana tried to lit up the spirit that had died in Judy’s soul.

Judy felt the world was against her. For God’s sake, she was only twenty five! Judy never did something worse than drinking vodka, never used drug, never stole, and never even talked back to her father when he nearly abused her. How could her fate be this cruel when she only had struggles in her life? How could… how could life drive Judy this miserable?

On a dusty, wrecked bench Judy sat on. She was trying hard to hold back the tears from coming out. Why did He even let me be born into this world?

“Need help?”

It was a low, heavy voice that was heard in Judy’s ears. The same voice that called her name a few days ago near her office. Expecting no friend to meet here, Judy had no preparation to face this person. Judy wanted to run away from the person that stood in front of her, from this place, from this London of hers.

“Can you just… leave me alone, please?” Judy begged for the last time. Her voice was almost impossible to be heard.

Ezra frowned curiously. He then took a seat beside Judy and asked, “May I know what happened? Maybe a friend could help your problem. You’ll be better, eventually, Juds.”

Judy couldn’t hold it back and burst out. “The worst thing just happened in my life and you told me that I’ll be better, yeah? Right. I’ll be better once I leave this damn world and go to the peaceful afterlife. That’s just exactly what everyone wants, right, Ezra? That’s what you want. That’s what this world wants from me. Struggle, hopeless. Get out from my sight!” 

“Wait, chill. Slow down. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Judy. I don’t want your struggle, I don’t even want you to be hopeless! Come on, Juds. Don’t scare me,” Ezra talked in a rush.

“Like anything’s going to change if I tell you,” said Judy while forming a pitiful smile.  
“Judy, I have no idea what you are and have been going through. I just saw you a few days ago and honestly, I have to say that you changed. A lot.”

The breeze was gently rustling. Judy was stoical. She was either listening to Ezra’s words or trying hard to hold back her anger.

“Look, from my perspective, you look kind of unwell and obviously pale. You’re here but your mind is wandering somewhere and don’t ask me, I don’t know where. Your spirit isn’t there anymore. Where’s the brave, little Judy I used to know? Where’s the bubbly, cheerful Judy I used to know? Did your job as an accountant make you feel stressed or something?” Ezra asked in a calmer tone compared to the prior one.

“You’re right, I’m sick.”  
“Is it… severe?”  
“Pretty severe,” Judy let a laugh escape from her lips. She sighed heavily before slightly wiping tears in her eyes.  
“I will not put you under pressure and force you to tell me the name, but you can try to take the medicine. I know it won’t extend your life magically, but at least you try, Juds. You’re strong enough to give it a try. Don’t give up easily.”

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m just so tired, I want to sleep.”

Ezra flicked Judy’s forehead and immediately earned her response.  
“Aw! What did you just do, seriously?” Judy started to seethe because of Ezra’s nonsensical behavior.  
“You are insane. You’re just starting to fight, I’m not going to let you wave the white flag right now.”  
“Ezra,” Judy said in frustration. “You’re not helping me. I’m no longer Judy Lestrange that you used to know. I have a bunch of problems in this life. You know how abusive my dad is, Ezra. I ran away from home years ago. He married Ellina, who is now my stepmother. She’s nice to me, but I still refuse to live at home. I had a quarrel with Jane, my only best friend and now we don’t even talk to each other. Can you see how miserable I am now, Ezra? If you really want to help me, you should just leave me alone and pretend that we don’t know each other. Will you?”

It was palpable that Ezra wanted to keep giving Judy hope. But realising the situation, he changed his mind. He believed there must be another way to do it.  
“Then why are you running away? Why are you closing your eyes from your friend, family, and your own condition? Why are you letting the clouds cover your sight, Judy? You never want to solve the problem. You’re used to running away from it since we were children. This time, you’re mature enough to know that running away is not a solution. It’s a coward way to forget the problem and deny the reality.”

It felt like someone just slapped Judy right on the face. Her feelings were thoroughly stirred and her eyes started to get teary again. Ezra uttered the realisation that Judy had been trying to deny. He had broken the sublime surrealist reality that Judy created for herself. Judy, in fact, had hoodwinked herself, persuading herself to believe in her own suggestion so that she could run away each time she felt like it was too much to handle.

“It isn’t your illness that makes you feel miserable. You are the one who makes yourself feel miserable. Say that you’re never sick, you’ll eventually feel this way if you keep continuing your mendacity. Stop running away, Judy. Fix your problem,” Ezra added.

The walls that Judy built broke down.

***

“Judy?”

The woman whose hair was now tied gasped. She didn’t expect Jane would pick up the phone this soon. Getting reconciled with her was solacing although Judy had to be conscientious with her words while talking on the phone. Judy admitted her mistake and apologised sincerely. Who would know that Jane also felt guilty and apologised for her own mistake, too? Judy clearly wouldn’t know this if Ezra didn’t give her the suggestion to fix their friendship first. That guyreally knew what to put as a priority. 

Ezra was right. Judy still had a chance in life. She was still lucky because according to Diana, her illness could be possibly cured. It would take time, but Judy was sure she could spare some time for her own health. Metaphorically, Judy was trudging on a half-wrecked bridge with pseudo-legs. She had no real spirit to live, she lacked of ambition, and she wasn’t grateful for the things she had in life. She shut the door and stayed away from people, including her family and friends. That was where it started to go wrong. Judy didn’t have people to tell her which was wrong and which was right. She lived in her own and struggled in her own.

The last suggestion from Ezra was to call her parents and fix their relationship. It was kind of difficult for Judy to accept the suggestion but Ezra expounded his logical reason. So, here she was. Her old neighbourhood in Chelsea, her old house. Judy stood still in front of the door and doubted if she should ring the bell or just come back to London.

Stop running away.

Right, stop running away, Judy thought.

The bell rang and not a moment later, an old figure whom Judy secretly missed so much in her heart came out. Her childhood memories, the laughter shared between them, all the happy times flashed in her eyes. The storm and clouds were no longer in her eyes. They were all gone to a far, far away place.

“I’m home.”


End file.
